“Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; the third is to be kind.” – Henry James

Kindness towards others is one of my favorite qualities in a person. The world need more kindness, plain and simple. Being kind to yourself is equally important. You are your most important relationship. The quality of everything you do in life will be enhanced by how you view yourself and how you treat yourself. If you are kind to yourself, you will be happier, healthier and more whole. Your self esteem will be higher, and you will have more strength to deal with all life throws at you. And you will be to others if you tend to give to yourself first. You may be thinking, “Isn’t this a bit self-centered?” “Shouldn’t I be focusing on others ahead of myself?” Yes and No. I am an ‘others first’ kind of person. We all need to value others ahead of ourselves and we have plenty of life situations where we should prioritize the needs of others over our own. Holistically, however, it is important that you care for yourself. You need a strong foundation from which to serve and support others. It will be very difficult to be kind to others if you are not kind to your first.

Five Ways to be kinder to yourself:

• Take good care of yourself by eating healthy food, drink more water, get outside for fresh air, get plenty of sleep and take a break from sugar
• Be your own best friend – try your very best to overcome perfection. Wake up every day and appreciate one good thing about yourself. This will be a good daily start.
• Find time each day to ‘just be’ – allow yourself to take a break from social media, text messages, emails, demands. Give yourself daily ‘down time’ to enjoy silence, relax, meditate for a few minutes.
• Accept imperfections – show compassion for yourself … we all make mistakes; we all fall short of expectations. These are part of the human experience and allow yourself to be human
• Appreciate your qualities – What do others admire about you? Your kindness, patience, generosity? It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap of ‘compare and despair’. Recognize you have many great qualities!

Do you have opportunities to be kinder to yourself?

I come from a long line of women who live into their 90’s! My mom passed away last year at age 98 and I’m currently ‘managing the care’ of my mother-in-law who turned 97 a few months ago. So longevity is a subject I explore often. When my darling grandson asked, “Grammie, will you still be alive when I get married?” I replied, “I certainly hope so. I want to dance at your wedding.” Still, his innocent query reminded me to continue to pursue a healthy lifestyle of mindfulness meditation,  daily exercise, wholesome eating habits and supportive social connections. What I love mostly about this stage of my life is that I have come to accept who I am and be perfectly happy with it! Here are my strategies for achieving acceptance at any age: Stage 1: Become aware of your negative feelings and the thoughts which accompany them. Recognize your impatience, boredom and anxiety — without beating yourself up! Stage 2: Give your inner critic a Break! Know that if you believe you’re fundamentally OK , that ‘this too shall pass’ . That negative voices in our heads really need to “Shut Up”! Stage 3: Replace your negative thoughts with conscious positive thoughts. There are so many things to be grateful for — and just focus on one or two of them. Stage 4:  If there is any resistance left, let go of it. Don’t mentally push the situation away, welcome it. Embrace the situation. This all may sound very simplistic, but if you can experience the power of acceptance, you’ll become powerfully aware that it’s not so much the events or situations in our lives that determine our mood, but our attitude towards them.

The summer months have always been a time for me to really reflect on my past year’s experiences. I try to build awareness and acceptance by being intentional about emotional ‘ups and downs’ – knowing that having difficult days are just part of the human condition and it’s OK to allow them. I’ve been able to shift my perspective on ‘down days’ through journaling and prayer – and cultivate self compassion by investigating and nurturing myself with kindness and care. I turn to spiritual teachers like Tara Brach and Kristin Neff for guidance – and use their wonderful guided meditations to help me develop an inner peace, balance and calmness. We are so lucky to live in a world of easy access to amazing spiritual tools that can be so helpful in changing perspectives and attitudes each day. I encourage you to reach out to experts and interconnect with their wisdom and knowledge.

Do you procrastinate? Do you have an ever-growing ‘I’ll do it later’ list? I did. My list was mental rather than written. It was full of jobs or tasks that had been in the back of my mind for a long time. Tasks that I’d notice again and again as I looked around my apartment and thought, “I want to get that done, but not now. I’ll do it later.” That item then went on my mental ‘do it later’ list. This mental to-do list is not an intentional thing. It just happens. Chances are we all have them. Whether at work or at home, something grabs your attention and you think, “I want to do that, but I don’t have time now.” It may be that you don’t have the energy right now, or other things feel more urgent. For whatever reason it gets shunted off to the mental category of ‘later.’ There is an energetic problem with the ‘do it later’ list. It weighs on you, whether you are aware of it or not. As more and more items get added to your list, it gets heavier and heavier. So I decided to ‘work organically’ … First I put on some great music. Then I invest an hour or even a half-hour to start. I choose a location in my apartment, and do whatever job first comes to mind.  It may be a time-sensitive job that must be done that day, or it may be a job on my ‘do it later’ list, a job that has been waiting and weighing on me. Whichever it is, when I get that job done, I feel a surge of positive energy. It feels so good that I am inspired to get something else done. Whatever next grabs my attention. An hour goes by doing whatever jobs come up and I feel energized and content with what I have accomplished. When the hour is over, I stop. This is important. That time limit keeps your energy fresh so that you want to continue the next day. ​When I am working organically, and I finish each job that steps forward to be done, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I get that satisfying feeling of completion. It energizes me and I want to do more. I love the concept of living my life ‘organically’ – and taking the time to let it just happen.

Through continued growth and awareness, the joys of discovering my potential keep me passionate and focused. Even in moments of sadness and discomfort, I’m able to pause and look inward to investigate what’s holding me back in creating a full, well-balanced life. I’ve learned that “Self-Acceptance” is the answer for me — liking and even loving myself in the present moment. As I learn to accept myself, I have to look at the ‘big picture’ and acknowledge my feelings, thoughts, flaws, wants, needs and desires. Even if these areas are confusing to me, I can accept that too. To be who I am means that I accept my past – my history – exactly as is. To be myself, I’m allowed to have my opinions and beliefs – for the present moment. I can accept my limitations and my strengths, my physical appearance as well as my emotional and spiritual self. As soon as I accept myself as I am, I can change and grow and move on. Self acceptance allows my pace to flow naturally – one that moves forward gently, not frantically – so that I may be at peace and in harmony with the world around me.

Listening may be one of the most important activities we can choose to participate in in our entire lives. Listening-really good listening-involves a great deal more than our ears. To listen, we need to empty ourselves for a while. We need to adjourn the committee in our heads and invite its members to take an extended vacation. In order to listen fully, we have to be able to dismiss idle head chatter, criticism and judgmental attitudes. Otherwise, our heads are far to crowded to have room for anything new! To live a more balanced life, we have to open our hearts as well. The absolute very best listening is done with our hearts, not our heads. We have to be willing to let the words enter our ‘beings’, where they can be tenderly sifted and sorted so that we are available to know the various levels of their true meaning. Then, we have to practice opening our hearts, minds and being. Listening is a highly complex and intimate process – When you do it with kindness and compassion, you’ll hear more than you’ve imagined possible.

Often, we are so busy participating in life that we never step back to look at the larger picture. Even more often, we have set up our lives at such a hectic pace and are so overextended that we’re not actually participating in life at all. We are being driven by a life that we have constructed in such a way as to miss out on what life is really about. No matter who we are or how we live our lives, all of us can benefit from taking some time to stop, pause and back off from busyness to simply perceive our lives from a larger perspective. We don’t have the time, you say? Nonsense! We can take the time. We need times when we can disengage for a day, a week, or a month to get an eagle-eye view of what we’re doing and what we’re all about. Living consciously is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. Periodically, set aside some time for yourself and tell your inner being that you are ready to see the patterns you are living and not living. This information, which may come in thoughts, dreams or intuitions, is a great life balancer for you and those around you. Think about your ‘patterns’ and start to relax a bit!

I love this Rumi quote about Letting Go … because to me, it’s really been the key to how a balanced and simpler life is created. And with ‘balance’ comes peace, serenity and a good dose of happiness. Over the years, I’ve had to ‘let go’ of so many things – my need to control outcomes and force solutions to problems. I’ve had to ‘let go’ and allow my loved ones to make their own decisions and develop the lifestyles that works for them … not me. I’ve had to ‘let go’ of my need to be ‘all things to all people’ … providing unlimited access to my heart and soul – which at times, depleted and exhausted me. Today, as I embark upon this career as a Life Transition and Recovery Coach, I’m declaring my own creative energy in renewing, recharging and reinventing myself!! It’s been quite a journey for me – and these past ten years have really proved to be the best years yet. I’ve grown in so many ways – by surrendering and learning to turn negative experiences into positive, life-altering ones. I’ve shared my strengths and values with many people along the way – and my hope is that I can continue – through this platform – to help others find to their truth, balance and peace. As I embark on this ‘third chapter’ in my life, my desire is to acknowledge the value of emotional freedom – which I continue to strive for. I look forward to sharing my thoughts with you on this blog as I hope to empower you to take steps toward creating the very beautiful,fulfilling life you deserve — if you just allow yourself to ‘Let Go’.